Global Warming Halted
Scientists Now Fear Global Cooling

Believed to be related to West Virginia High School Wrestling

April 1, 2010

Leading climatologists from the Kingwood Institute of Climate and Paranormal Studies have concluded that the phenomenon of global warming has been halted.

"The evidence is overwhelming and incontrovertible," concluded noted professor and climatologist Professor Seymour Winters. "The winter of 2009-10 has been one of the worst on record. This is undoubtedly the result of Oak Glen High School in West Virginia not winning the AA/A West Virginia state wrestling championship."

The mechanism of action was explained by Professor Winters as follows:
a) Everybody in the scientific community knew that hell would freeze over and pigs would fly before a team other than Oak Glen would win the West Virginia AA/A high school state wrestling championship.

b) Oak Glen did in fact fail to win the AA/A West Virginia state wrestling championship February 25-27, 2010.

c) As a result, hell froze over.

d) The freezing over of hell has had a ripple effect on planet Earth, such that the entire planet is now in a cooling phase.


"A little chilly this winter? You can thanks your friends in Point Pleasant for that," concluded the noted professor, speaking from his research lab in greater Kingwood.
It is believed that the freezing process in hell began on or about February 3, 2010, the date that for the first time in recent memory Oak Glen was not voted the #1 AA/A team in the wvmat.com/WV Wrestling Coaches Association team polls. "That single act - that seminal event - will go down in the annals of climate research as the 'Day the Earth Began To Cool' noted Professor Winters."

The effect of that upheaval was almost immediate. Shortly after the release of the February 3 team poll, cold and blizzard conditions enveloped much of America as hell began the process of freezing. By the weekend of February 5 and 6, much of the eastern seaboard was locked in arctic conditions. In West Virginia all conference wrestling tournaments scheduled for that weekend were cancelled due to inclement weather.



"Yeah, it's a little cool down here now. Thanks Point Pleasant." 		The freezing process was complete on February 27, 2010, as somebody other than Oak Glen was crowned the AA/A West Virginia state wrestling championship team. National guard troops had no sooner finished digging out some of the hardest hit areas, when another blizzard and arctic conditions slammed much of America during that particular weekend.

It is not known if or when the freezing process will reverse itself. "Probably, some other cataclysmic event will be needed to reverse the global cooling which is now in progress," noted Professor Winters. "Something big - something unthinkable, like some team from other than Region I winning the AAA West Virginia state wrestling championship." All researchers agreed that such would be extremely unlikely, at least within the lifetime of any human now living on Earth. "It will be a cold day, er, I guess I should now say, a warm day in hell before that happens," one researcher concluded."



Pictured to the right is the 2010 AA/A West Virginia state champion team - the fine team from Point Pleasant High School. Incredibly, this team championship photo is not Oak Glen.

Pigs flew in from all across America to the Big Sandy Superstore Arena to witness the finals. Note the eerie presence of none other than Mothman who was seen lurking about the Civic Center as the evening progressed.